Adam, father of all mankind, in paradise knew the sweetness of the love of God; and so when for his sin he was driven forth from the garden of Eden, and was widowed of the love of God, he suffered grievously and lamented with a great moan.  And the whole desert rang with his lamentations, for his soul was racked as he thought, ‘I have distressed my beloved God’.  He sorrowed less after paradise and the beauty thereof: for he sorrowed that he was bereft of the love of God, which insatiably, at every instant, draws the soul to Him.

In the same way the soul which has known God through the Holy Spirit but has afterwards lost grace experiences the torment that Adam suffered.  There is an aching and a deep regret in the soul that has grieved the beloved Lord.

Adam pined on earth, and wept bitterly, and the earth was not pleasing to him.

He was heartsick for God, and this was his cry:

‘My soul wearies for the Lord, and I seek Him in tears.

‘How should I not seek Him?

‘When I was with Him my soul was glad and at rest, and the enemy could not come nigh me;

‘But now the spirit of evil has gained power over me, harassing and oppressing my soul,

‘So that I weary for the Lord even unto death,

‘And my spirit strains to God, and there is nought on earth can make me glad,

‘Nor can my soul take comfort in anything.

‘But longs once more to see the Lord, that her hunger may be appeased.

‘I cannot forget Him for a single moment, and my soul languishes for Him,

‘And from the multitude of my afflictions I lift up my voice and cry:

“Have mercy upon me, O God.  Have mercy on Thy fallen creature.” ‘

Staretz Silouan